During the pandemic, maternal exhaustion crept up on me slowly, exacerbated by suppressing the fears of the unknown whilst trying to be a ‘good mother’ to my 4 and 1.5 year old sons. I became lonely and depressed. Burnout felt like anger, guilt, anxiety and exhaustion.

I have submitted ‘100 Goddesses’ made in 2018 following the birth of my first child because it represents what I believe nourishment can look like. 

The first step of nourishment came through the making process: I made 100 goddesses over 3 days in a flurry of repetitive, therapeutic making. Through making the goddesses I began to process the turmoil I felt around becoming a mother, the physical pain following a traumatic birth, the rage I felt at the lack of support I received and at society’s treatment of women and our bodies. I was thinking about the generations of women that came before me, I connected to the mother goddess cultures of prehistory, channelling strength and pride.

The Goddesses celebrate female empowerment and sexuality, imperfection, pain, transformation and ageing. They seek to reframe the stories told about our bodies. Each one is pocket sized - yet as a group they are powerful. Representing both the multitude of experiences we collect over a lifetime, and our strength as groups and support networks. 

I use the goddesses as a conversation starter with other women. We sit with them and let play and conversation unfold.  Through them I have found friends, role models and built communities – an antidote to the loneliness I originally felt on becoming a mother. This ongoing process has created a space for women to muse on their complex relationships with their bodies. 

I feel we have a lot to learn from the experience of the pandemic, as mothers, as families and as societies. Our western cities and social structures leave new mothers and young children very isolated. Maternal exhaustion prevents us from telling our stories and working for change. Creating a support community, dismantling the 'perfect mother' myth, having space and time to pause and tell our stories - These are crucial first steps in working out the next ones. 

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@ninagerada