Annika Earley, Escape No. 2 (Ladder)
Annika Earley (she/her/hers)
Escape No. 2 (Ladder), 2021
Graphite on Stonehenge paper
11" x 11"
I’m a new mother — my son is just six weeks old — but I was pregnant throughout the pandemic. My maternal exhaustion looks different every day, but one aspect remains constant: the nervous exhaustion brought on by the unknown nature of this time. My flight-or-fight instinct is on high alert. When I am at my most exhausted — sleep deprived and anxious— I fantasize about escape routes. I look for secret doors out of this pandemic and the isolation and fear that it brings with it. I look for a lever I can pull to get me out of the occasional but deep fear that comes with caring for a newborn, or an escape hatch leading away from the panic that comes with living in this newly reformed body.
I think of Arundhati Roy: the pandemic is a portal. The transformation into motherhood is a portal, too. Stepping through both at the same time takes a tremendous amount of energy and courage. I don’t always have both.